Pressure is a Privilege
What if we reframed pressure as proof of your capacity?
When was the last time you felt real pressure? Not stress, not inconvenience, but the kind of pressure that made you question whether you were actually built for the thing that you were pursuing?
I know from my own experience that when I have felt pressure, it often resulted in me shrinking myself, second-guessing everything I was doing, and also interpreting it as a sign that I was either in the wrong place or moving in the wrong direction.
But I have come to realize that it actually means something entirely different. I was able to identify over time where the pressure was coming from, where my thoughts were coming from, and then finding a way to reframe how I think about what feeling pressured actually means to me.
I recently had a moment where I was standing in the squat rack with a client and telling her in between sets, about how my first job ever was at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City at the age of 15.
As the words trickled out of my mouth, I had this moment of realization that my first job was incredibly high stakes for someone so young and impressionable… and inexperienced.
There are a couple of things that had me pause. First, the job itself was in the oncology department, working in the research lab with medical professionals and on real patients.
The other thing that’s noteworthy is working in an environment that’s high pressure and intense in New York City.
Again, I was only 15… and I navigated my surroundings like a pro. Imagine being 15 and sitting at the Round Table Department Meetings? I learned how to conduct myself in professional settings, how to discuss patients with respect and care, and how to work side-by-side with other young hopeful students.
My mom wanted me to be a doctor or lawyer or perhaps find the cure for cancer… she pushed me to strive for more and build a life for myself that was better than where we started. Not bad things, but there was a lot of pressure in our house.
When I floated ideas about being a math teacher or studying business or doing something in the creative arts realm, those ideas were all shut down immediately, and the response was a blunt “no”.
Her approval really mattered to me, and it was difficult to accept that none of my ideas were good enough. It felt like I wasn’t good enough.
So, I went to engineering school. I cried every single day and I hated it, but I was smart enough to pass. The feelings of failure, of not being good enough, of barely passing exams and projects, snowballed into physical manifestations of clumps of hair falling out, an ever-present stomach ache, anxiety, sleepless nights, and shaking hands.
I knew the gym would help me feel better… and it sort of did. At first, I was riding the endorphin highs post-workout and embracing choosing healthier options at the dining hall. I started to make the gym more of a priority as I saw the benefits of how I was feeling.
This was good except… MORE is not always BETTER…
and when my negative self-talk started to raise it’s volume, it showed up in the form of me pushing myself harder in the gym, doing more cardio to sweat it all out and picking myself apart even more!
So, how did things change for me?
Once I graduated, and I mean I barely graduated… I had autonomy over much more of my life and how I wanted to live. I began to love the gym again and use it as a healthy and productive outlet.
I also realized that pressure it not random. It usually showed up when I was pursing or thinking about something that really mattered to me. The stakes were high and I was stretching myself.
It was not my fault what happened or what I felt as a kid and teenager, including feeling like I wasn’t good enough at times, but as an adult it IS my job to heal and work through things.
I noticed that some pressure would push me forward, would force me to rise to the occasion, and would remind me that “yes this is difficult, and I can handle it.”
While other forms of pressure were destructive or forced me to contract. Like thinking about how I was not on track with the future I had envisioned… shit, i’m still not on track because I’m childless and not married yet (LOL).
I wish I could pinpoint a moment for you, but it didn’t happen that way.
A traumatic event in 2006 steered me back into healing work and eventually therapy. I learned new ways of processing and sorting through my thoughts and feelings. And there was definitely a transitional time where I started to view pressure as a place of power and not as a penalty.
“I GET TO DO THIS”
“I GET TO WORK FOR THIS”
etc.
This revolutionized how I process and how to handle pressure when it arises.
I have some questions for you to process or journal on, which may help you gain clarity:
Whose voice has set your standards - and is it someone you actually want to be accountable to?
Where are you punishing yourself as opposed to building yourself up?
What would it look like to carry the pressure you’re under right now as a sign of capacity as opposed to inadequacy?
One of the things I do with many of my clients is remind them to be present, to focus on the immediate task-at-hand and get into their bodies.
The gym, and more specifically, weight training will force you to be present and move energy… maybe even stagnant energy you’re carrying.
So, yes… I do think pressure is a privilege because it means you’re doing something really important, that’s a bit uncomfortable, with a foggy path laid out before you, and you’re going to trust yourself through it all… even when things get hard, even when you’re unsure.
Come back to your breath, come back to your body and remember that something real is being asked of you… and that, my friend, is exciting!
~ Tiana
P.S. If you’d like to get more of a taste of my coaching style, check out Lift Like You Mean It, my new done-for-you Strength Program.